Nasty Fatty
I have been thinking that I need to retool the Office Space quote. It should read (at least where I am concerned) "Each day you see me, it is the fattest day of my life. So everyday you see me, you know I am fatter than the day before." I think I have gained at least 10 lbs. Although one would think an increase would be motivation to decrease, I find it has the exact opposite affect on me.
Right now I am staring at the screen thinking to myself, I wish I could think of something to write about. You would think after several days I would have something to write about...At the end of the day I am tired of complaining but I have been experiencing a total lack of joy for so long I am completely inept when it comes to discussing anything that is not pure misery.
I am continuing to struggle with religion. I have not been to church in weeks. Right now I am content to believe that God doesn't answer prayers and all of life is suffering. I am so tired of nothing going my way and all my prayers falling on deaf ears. People love to say things like God answers you in his own way and in his own time. Just because your request was not answered as you wished it had been does not mean it went unanswered. There are times in my life I have believed that- but now is not one of them. I think all of life's disappointments would be easier to except if any pastor of any church said just once -ask and God might answer you, but understand he does things when and if he cares to, if he cares to at all.
I keep thinking about the 2 boys who were kidnapped and found. Their prayers were answered. What about the countless thousands of children who are never found? How does anyone explain this? How do you explain it to their parents? How do you tell Natalie Holloway's mother that her prayers have been answered. Yes Mrs. Holloway, your prayers have been answered-with contempt might I add. God heard every last word and though you asked for your daughter to be found you have been given something far better which is pain, suffering and a complete lack of peace in your life. Isn't the quote "ask and you shall receive?" Why are we always receiving things we did not ask for? Sometimes I think religion is a sham to sell God because on his own terms he is not very marketable.
If he reads blogs, I hope he reads this one. Hey God, guess what? Right now I am very fat and very pissed. Can you do anything about that?
posted by BiPolarGirl @ 1/23/2007 08:26:00 PM
2 Comments:
You have identified one of the many reasons the whole God thing doesn't work for me. Buddhism addresses suffering in a much more effective way for me. I like how Buddhist focused texts say that you can have your own philosophy and don't have to buy into theirs at all if it doesn't work for you. I like that type of flexibility.
Nicole,
I have been reading some books on the gnostics and on buddhism lately. What I find appealing about buddhism is the acceptance of suffering. I do believe there is a God, but I just don't think our relationship with him is what we have been lead to believe. I struggle with my disenchantment on a constant basis. I swing back and forth, back and forth. Some prayers are answered some miracles do happen but what are we left with when we are not so blessed?
I love the story of Job and how he suffered for so many years. And then you find out that the original story of Job did not conclude with any reward. The point of the story was that Job maintained his faith even when it appeared as though God had forsaken him. Job died a poor lonely man. The story is later rewritten so that Job is rewarded for his faith. If the only reward for suffering and living is the hopes of dying and having a new life, why bother having this life at all?
Sorry to go on and on...
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