My Horse Maisy

When I was a little girl I had a horse. She was a pure bred arabian. I had no business having such a horse, but my father had done business with an arabian horse breeder and so it was determined that was the breed of horse I would get. My horse was a mere year old when I got her, and she grew to be 16 hands high. My parents were not "horse people" and in lacking wisdom they believed they had created a magical relationship between horse and girl- much like you would see in the movies. She and I would grow up together, grow old toghether and through the process learn together.

I found early on Maisy was not keen on this idea. She was wild eyed with a fiery spirit, and the first time I took her out into the arena she reared up on me. I screamed as what appeared to be a massive hoof to my nine year old eyes clipped my arm. She did not hurt me, but she scared me and I never forgot that moment. My parents intended for me to show her. So I took riding lessons. I rode every horse at the stable, but I would not ride my own. In time my confidence grew and I thought it was time that begin to ride my horse. It should have been no surprise she bucked and reared all over the arena and it would be a long time before I would ride her again.

When I reached high school my father told me he would no longer pay to board my horse. I rarely went to see her, hardly ever rode her, had never shown her and it was time to relinquish the expense. I cried myself sick because long before my parents bought her she had been my dream. Funny how dreams when translated to reality are never quite the same thing.

My best friend had horses. Her parents had a barn and pasture and they agreed to take my horse. She and I spent nearly everyday together and so we rode together. I would start out on my horse but within 10 minutes I would ask her to trade horses-she had no fear. Over the next 3 years Maisy would knock me off too many times to count. Deep inside myself, though I would never say it out loud, I did not like that overpriced jackass of a horse.

One day when I was a senior in high school my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go riding. She laughed as she asked if I wanted to ride my own horse. I took a moment and thought to myself, I have been thrown off, stepped on, occassionally kicked, what more could this horse do to me? I decided nothing. I decided she would not throw me off anymore. I got on her no more accomplished or skilled and stayed on until she grew tired of being a jerk. After that we had a very nice ride. My girlfriend was utterly dumbfounded. She asked,"what got into you?" I told her Maisy was not going to run the show anymore. And that was the end of that.

9 years of fear kept my dream from becoming reality. I think of all the rides we could have had, had I not let fear rule my life. As I said before, I was no more skilled, no more accomplished. The only thing that had changed was my mind.