Breathe

The last couple of days have been rather rough. Not for an particular reason. I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety. It's the kind that wakes you from your sleep in a panic. I lie in bed and take a few deep breaths and hold them, slowly exhaling until I find my mind and my pulse slowing down.

Things come up -obstacles and dilemmas and I just keep telling myself it does not matter. Every time I find myself dwelling on the past or things I can not immediately change, I tell myself I am better served using that time and energy to move forward.

Everyday I find that redirecting my thoughts has gotten me more mileage than anything else I have ever done. There is no safety clause. I no longer say Oh, I'll try this for a while and see how it goes. Instead I tell myself I am doing this until I succeed. Everyday I give a little more, and surprisingly I am getting a little more.

I have also been listening to a Paraliminal CD I bought off of ebay. I can't tell you it has any magical powers, but it does help me clear my mind and I find I am able to focus more clearly. Whatever science behind the recordings, whether it is bogus or not does not matter. If you begin to achieve something for no other reason than you believe in something, the reasons for success are far less important than the success itself.

I am probably coming off half baked right now but this is the first time in a long time I have had a sense of direction and purpose. More importantly, a lasting sense of purpose and direction. So if nothing seems to be working for you, it never hurts to try something new. Even better it costs nothing. Create a statement for yourself. Define your true self and all the things you wish to accomplish. Sum it up into a few sentences and when you feel like you are losing control repeat those sentences in your mind over and over again until you find yourself in a more manageable state. Do it in the morning. Do it when you go to bed. Do it every time you are filled with self-doubt, self-hate, confusion and despair. Do it over and over and over again and slowly you will find it becomes you.

Butterfly and Nicole, thank you very much for your comments :)