That jackass

I have been thinking about "L" a lot today. I suppose I think of him more when my husband and I are fighting. It has been three months since he e-mailed me. I won't lie, I keep checking my box. I think maybe he will e-mail me at x-mas or perhaps my birthday. For whatever reason I need a big build up so I can unleash my fury on him. I suppose I could have done that 3 months ago but I wanted him to beg and plead only to have me open the flood gates of hostility.

I remember what would have been 5 years ago now when I thought we had some kind of future. When he kept asking me how we were going to make it work. We decided I should probably move to FL because the economy isn't so great in OH. He talked about moving the kids and I. Then one day out of nowhere he called and told me he and his wife were buying a house together. Why in the world would you buy a house with a woman you claim not to love anymore??How can you talk to me about leaving my husband and all the while you are out house hunting? When I confronted him he told me I took things out of context. If you ask someone to move out of state to be with you, I'm uncertain how the hell else you would take it?When you tell someone you don't love your wife anymore and you are all that they think about-I'm not sure how else you take it. When you say shit like you imagine the rest of your days walking on the beach together...I'm not sure how the hell else you take it.

Now he's in the house and tells me how great things are going with he and his wife. He thinks that their condo was too small and that's what was causing all of their discord. 6 months into the new house he's feeling the same dissatisfied feelings again. His wife is going away to visit relatives and he wants me to come and see him. He also wants me to stay in his house. I told him absolutely not. My behavior is bad enough without entertaining the idea of sleeping in another woman's bed.

His wife is unhappy she senses something is going on. She tells him if things don't change she will divorce him. He continues to tell me how unhappy he is and then he calls and tells me they are having another baby. It's not a accident. In fact, they had been planning to have this baby. His wife, the one that is going to divorce him, he, so unhappy, they have been planning on having this baby. And like a fool I sit in shock, utterly dismayed.

We talk regularly for 5 years but now the conversations change. It's no longer hugs and kisses and I am all he thinks about. Instead he drains me dry. He's not happy with his wife. He's disconnected with his children. He is making good money, but he's never making enough money. He loves to call and tell me about all the things he's bought. Vacation homes, multiple cars and a bunch of other crap. But you know what? He's just not happy. And he is always looking to me to give him the answers.

When my life hits rock bottom and I am as low as I can be, I go to him for support. The same kind I have been giving him for years. And guess what? He's busy. He's got a business meeting. His kids are sick. No time to answer e-mails. No time to call. And all my communication goes ignored, until a year later when he comes whoring around.

I want to tell him what I piece of shit he is, but to send an unsolicited e-mail just let's him know I'm still thinking about him. And I just refuse to give him that. I hate that jackass.