God does work in mysterious ways

I know what your thinking. Something miraculous happened yesterday, and I now have a job. Nope.

Yesterday I went to an event at my mother's church. She lives several hours away so it gave me plenty of time to think. I didn't really want to go. I had hoped I could spend the night at my mom's house but my husband had to go to court this morning and he could not take anyone to school. So I had another lengthy drive to look forward to and I would not be returning home until 1am. I hate driving late at night when you are very, very, very tired, because as far as I am concerned it is the same as driving drunk.

So with many hours to kill I sat in the car and stewed. As I stew I find myself becoming more and more vengeful. My husband and I have been going through a lawsuit- which is a whole other can of worms. I don't want to get into the details but someone did something rather malicious to us and it costs us a great deal of money. When we first spoke with our attorney he acted like this situation was a no brainer and he would have our money back in a matter of a few months. But a few months has turned into well over a year and other areas of our life have suffered because of it. I resent this person who did this to us. I know I should forgive but I think I would have an easier time doing so if I weren't still suffering because of it. So as I sit in the car I am thinking about all of the horrible things I can do to this person. Things I could do to ruin their life. Things that while not unlegal could cause them public humiliation, perhaps cause them to lose their spouse, lose their job and so on. And I am thinking all of these things as a drive to a church function.

Then I start to make connections which may or may not exist. I think to myself if I did not have all of this garbage to contend with I might have a clearer head and a better spirit. If I had a cleared head and a better spirit I might have left my husband 6 months ago. So I attribute this mess to my inability to leave and this makes me hate this person even more. The fact of the matter is I might have left and I might not have left. I might have found a job and I might not have found a job. But being left to my own delusions over a three hour period, I draw many conclusions whether they be right wrong or indifferent. I finally arrive very pissed off.

I am pissed off at this person. I am pissed off at God. I am pissed off at myself because I start to wonder if I am psychotic. Months into the mess, we met with our attorney and during the meeting I had the strangest sensation. Up to this point I was preoccupied with this situation. I was so worried about getting the money back I could barely think of anything else. And then I had this strange feeling of comfort and calm and when we left I told my husband I was not going to worry about it anymore because I knew God was going to take care of it. I believed it with all my heart because it was as though someone had taken all that weight off my shoulders and I knew it need not cross my mind again. But months continued to pass and there was and is no resolution in site, and so I begin to doubt the feeling. I wonder if I imagined it or perhaps I am suffering from delusions or hallucinations or whatever a poor fool like myself may suffer from.

Then last night church which was hosting a Christmas program called "The Promise", A woman came out on stage and said she had been organizing the event for 17 years, and this year was particularly important to her. She had been suffering from cancer and when she finally thought she had beat it, it came back again. She said she prayed and told God she could not endure the disease nor the treatment again. It had taken to much from her both mentally, physically and spiritually. She said God spoke to her and promised her that through all her trials she would never be alone, and that he would walk with her through her journey, every step of the way. She said she was now recovering and doing much better and that God had kept his promise.

In front of each chair was a small brown box containing a pin in it which had the word "promise" on it. And beside it was a small scroll with scripture. Each person received a different verse. Mine read:

I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back...For I know the plans I have for you...Plans to give you hope and future. - Jeremiah 29:11

It seemed to me in that moment I was meant to be there last night. I was meant to hear that message. The message is not about a lawsuit but of my overall well being- atleast that is what it meant to me. So then and there I knew I had to give back my life to God and stop trying to figure out how I was going to settle scores because in the end he will lead me to my chosen path.

I left the church feeling great relieved. I just wanted to share the experience with you because it meant so much to me.