I can spell

I can spell. You may not believe that, but it's true. I have been reading some of my posts and the errors are rather evident. Unfortunately, I never catch them until after the fact.

But I needed you to know...I can spell.

Where is Scott? It doesn't appear as though he has been to the blog lately, and that has me concerned. Scott, if you are out and about please leave a comment so I know you are alive and well.

I really don't know what to say today. I have been struck with a very uncomfortable feeling. The longer I blog the more people seem to be reading the blog. There is part of me that feels like an exhibitionist. I wonder how I am coming off? I wonder if I sound like a spineless, pitiful glob of goo who spends her days crying on the floor.

But I sit here and type because I feel like I have no where else to go. I do not have open conversations about my BP with anyone. My husband does not accept my BP, though he is happy to use it in the event it will embarrass me. My sister ask's things like, "Are you sure it's not a food allergy or something?" My friends question the diagnosis- "everyone had mood swings". On the few occassions I have tried to tell someone how horrible I feel, it becomes very apparent that it is a conversation that they do not want to engage in because it makes them uncomfortable. So I come to the internet looking for understanding and community. And there is a community and there is support. But for all those people who come here by chance - when those stupid internet spiders don't do their job, I feel like I am 5 minutes of freak show to them.

I starting to wonder if I should not be doing something else to help myself. I should be writing or drawing or doing something... because I am starting to feel like an asshole who spends too much time on the internet complaining.