Belated Merry X-mas To All

Sorry I have not posted. My husband took 6 days off and is finally back at work. As you all know, he does not know I have this blog so when he is home I do not dare check it or post on it.

Things have been going so-so. I am feeling better than I have in a while but I am still so very sick of my husband. A few days ago while shopping my husband called me a f'ing retard/f'ing moron 5 times in public and then I stopped counting. He also told me I was such an idiot he was ready to smack me while we were in Pet Smart. I'm an idiot because I asked him what size aquarium he had looked at, at Walmart as I was trying to compare prices. Although I hate it when he talks to me this way, I hate it more when other people hear him talking to me this way. Then we get in the car to drive home and he goes on and on about how good I have it. What a wonderful husband he is... He doesn't drink, or watch football, or play cards. You know a lot of guys do that kind of stuff... He just works hard for his family.

I also had to listen about how I never wear make-up, haven't bothered to re-color my hair etc because I don't care if I am attractive to him. We go through this garbage atleast once a year. Then I go get my hair done, go buy make-up and then he yells and screams how he doesn't have time to wait for me to style my hair or put my make-up on. I ruin his whole day with that bullshit because he has to wait on me.
Honestly I don't care. I wish to God he would find a girlfriend and leave me. Let someone else put up with his crap.

I am happiest when he is at work-like right now. So I am doing all I can to get myself together so I can get out of this relationship. I am working on getting a work from home job. Hopefully I can squirrel some money away. Between that and the nursing program I will be able to support myself and get away from him.

One of the hardest things I do each and everyday is lay down beside a man at night that I feel nothing but animosity towards. Saying " I love you too.." and knowing all the while you are lying. I do what I must to survive for the time being. I feel like a prostitute. Selling myself for a roof over my head and clothes for my children. I really do hate him...

Sorry for the down beat post. As the title states- Merry Belated X-Mas! You will hear from me again because God knows I can't stop talking.