Sometimes you just write to write

I have made a promise to myself that no matter how utterly crappy I feel I will do one of two things. A) Write in this blog (same as journaling as far as I am concerned) or B) work on my drawings. Tonight is a difficult night because I have a migraine and every minute I stare at this screen is making me sick.

Anyways...I made this pact with me,myself and I, because I know that it is all to easy to sit around feeling as though things will never change. It is then a self fulfilling prophecy, because life does not get any better. There is no pressing ahead when you are lying in your bed crying yourself to sleep.

How can I expect any personal or professional growth if I find myself spending most of my life in a static state. I keep looking for answers but apparently the US postal service does not deliver them. Rather than looking for answers perhaps I need to invent my own. The path I have walked upon thus far as done little to produce results.

How much of my life have I wasted? I definitely don't feel that I am old, but I read articles about entrepreneurs in their 20's making millions, maybe billions of dollars. I am not seeking fame or fortune in my life, but I think to myself that their success was achieved through tremendous drive. It is not an issue of dollars and cents but rather a matter of accomplishment. What have I accomplished?

It is a sad statement of your life when you no longer bother to do anything because you anticipate the fall. The glory of my life should not be summed up in 6 week snippets which may occur 3-4 times a year-maybe none.

Why can't I force myself to act in a manner which produces achievement even when I do not feel like an achiever? Isn't everything in life a matter of relativity? Many people in life have hurdles. Mine happens to be bipolar disorder and the depression that comes with it. An athlete has to overcome pain and exhaustion. Last year I watched the Espy awards. This is not common occurrence with me, but it was late at night and I was flipping through the channels. Oprah was presenting so you know I had to stop and watch. I mean if Oprah is presenting it has to be important-right??? Anyhow, she was presenting the Arthur Ashe award to Jim Maclaren and Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah. I respectfully request that you click on both links to hear their stories. I would tell them to you but they are quite lengthy, and I could not do them justice. The suffering that both of these men have endured is unimaginable. I can honestly say that if I had the same life experiences, I would have undoubtedly killed myself. If these men can face their days without fear or hesitation, why can't I? I am both ashamed and humbled by their courage. I am also inspired by it. Life is a matter of choices. It is time I start choosing differently...