Prozac You're Killing Me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prozac You’re Killing Me!!!!!!!!!


There has been some great debate over whether or not antidepressants have the capacity to take a bipolar person from a depressed state to a manic state. I believe this does in fact happen.


http://www.psycheducation.org/bipolar/controversy.htm


Prior to my diagnoses I went to the therapist seeking assistance for depression. They were always quick to refer to my family doctor who would then prescribe Prozac, Zoloft, whatever of the drug du jour was that year.

My first experience with Prozac was when I was 19 years old. I had been had spiraling downhill for several months. I had changed colleges. I went from being an A student to a C and D student. I drank 5-6 nights a week. I often woke up in the morning and began drinking again to brush the hangover off. I stopped going to class altogether and only bothered to arrive when a test was being given.

Nothing seemed to make me feel better so I began taking stimulants. Stimulants have always been a problem for me, especially when I am depressed because, I want the energy levels I have when I am “high”. I will do or take anything just to get that energy back. Many moons ago, I could buy ephedrine in bottles of 1000. They sold them at a waterbed store on campus at Ohio State. As luck would have it, they often had buy one get one free specials. On any given day I would take 20 or more of them, usually all at once. My lips and scalp would tingle, and sometimes I would throw up blood, but it didn’t stop me.

Although stimulants help combat part of the problem-fatigue (maybe it isn’t fatigue but it certainly feels like it if you are coming off a 2-3 month high) It does nothing to elevate your mood. So now you are an extremely depressed person who is hyper active. What else could I possibly do to get out of this funk? I started shopping. I racked up well over 10k in credit card debt (actually closer to 20K). I spent 8k just on Victoria’s Secret Catalogue. I went out to eat on a nightly basis and always took friends with me. Just put it on the card… I went out to the bars and ran tabs for my friends and I and I just put it on the card…But it didn’t make me feel better. After I starting getting the bills I began to feel even worse.

I might have been feeling like crap but little did I know things were about to get worse. In less than a year’s time my three living grandparents died, my little sister was in the hospital with pneumonia and my old sister had a lump in her breast. I could not relax, think one cohesive thought, I did not sleep well, and I did not eat. I distinctly remember mornings where I would eat 1-2 pieces of shredded wheat and then I could eat no more because I was certain I would throw-up. Those one or two pieces got me through the day with a few cups or coffee along the way.

I knew I could not continue on like this. I was about to flunk out of college completely. So I decided to use OSU’s mental health services, and from that meeting got my very own prescription to life long happiness-just kidding. The doctor explained it would take 6 weeks before the drug fully took effect. So I began to take them and await the results. Within 3-4 days I found myself borderline psychotic. I had gone from depressed to seriously manic. My mind was racing to a degree I was incapable of functioning. I did not sleep. In fact I dare say I went nearly a week where I slept 2 hours or less each day. The only other word I can use to describe my condition is wired. It was as though I had a constant stream of Doubleshots, or meth, or I don’t know what running through my veins. I was angry and irritable, which is much actually much kinder than what I really felt and that was something more along the lines of murderous rage. I remember lying on the floor screaming and crying at 3am because I could not take the intensity I was feeling both mentally and physically. I wanted to kill myself because I wanted whatever this feeling was to stop. I called the doctor and explain in the most civil way possible that I could not continue taking Prozac because I would either end up hurting myself or someone else. He simply assured me I needed to give it a full 6 weeks. I gave it another day and stopped taking it.

Since then I have sought out a therapist during numerous episodes of depression, each time receiving an antidepressant, each time with similar results. Upon speaking with my current therapist and psychiatrist I told them on no uncertain terms would I take an antidepressant, because the effects of doing so are worse then the depression itself. Some people do get good results from these medications. I am not one of them. If you are prescribed an antidepressant and find it makes you feel worse, do not hesitate to call a medical professional. You know yourself better than anyone. There is no sense in enduring a 6 week drug induced hell.